Friday, October 06, 2000

ok...this is prolly gonna be kina long but hopefully its written in a way where its a "quick read"...or u can just skip it if u don't feel like devoting 3 or 4 minutes to my innermost thoughts ;)

i been thinkin the last day or so about my feelings about the guy getting shot the other nite....at first, all ive really done is joke bout it...not really joke..thats not the right word...more like blow it off r sumthin...well, today i really sorta stopped n thought bout why that is...why exactly did i just sorta blow it off?...n the answer was of course completely obvious...cuz im scared...

if somethin scares me i think i mostly try to either ignore it, or joke about it, lessening its importance in my life or trying to anyway. but this is a really big deal 2 me...i mean...perhaps yer readin this n thinking whats the big deal so sumbody got shot...sumbody you din even know, never met n prolly never would have. well..honestly, shame on you...is it because violence, especially this kind, has become so common place that it ranks right up there with the kind of reaction misplacing our keys or knocking over a can of pop elicits from us? yes, i did not know this man...this 19 year old boy. for all i know, he could have been the person who killed the last person who was killed here a few weeks ago...for all i know, he could have been (and probably was) involved in dealing drugs..maybe even 2 kids. maybe he was a thief, or a robber, or mean to his mother...

but maybe..just maybe...he was sumbody's father, or somebody's brother...for sure he was sumbody's son...maybe he had never done a wrong or illegal thing in his whole short life..maybe he had that gun because living in this neighborhood, where gary's car was broken into less than 5 months after we moved here, had driven him to feel the need to protect his house, or his family.

maybe...
but thats the point..i didn't know him...and just because someone who happened to be mexican, happened to be outside with a gun, was shot and killed does not make his death any less tragic...he was a person

and i feel sick...i feel sick because the only initial reaction that i had was to laugh about it, and be grotesquely drawn to watch the homicide squad walk around the crime scene long after this person was taken away, pronounced dead, left in a room, reduced to a piece of evidence...

and i feel scared...scared because we missed it by less than 15 minutes...15 minutes before this man was shot dead on the steps of an apartment building less than 500 feet from the steps to MY apartment building, i was walking up those steps, oblivious to the violence about to take place

i feel scared because what if gary's kids were here...and we had done something else, something different which would have brought us home just a little bit later...maybe caught a few more red lights on the way home...been coming around the corner just as this person pulled the trigger and took a human life...or been coming around that corner after the person was already back in their car, screeching around the corner and ran into us head on in his/her attempt to flee the scene of his/her crime.

and what if i was still pregnant?...and there was just enough space between where we would have had to drive, and where this person's car sat idling, waiting as he stepped out and shot and one of those bullets went a little astray...

i no longer want to move...

i HAVE to move..if i don't move i do believe that i will go insane...become so completely and totally paranoid that i will be unable to function
or worse...maybe next time we WILL catch a couple more red lights...be just a little bit slower walking to the car, starting it up and pulling out of some parking lot, putting us into the path of the next no big deal...
10/6/2000 02:21:26 AM | immortalize me | 21 comments

Wednesday, October 04, 2000

m'k..so...let's set up some guidelines..r sumthin...

= "Bunch of Savages in this town."

= "There's nothing more exhilirating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there?"

= "I find it's best to stay out of other peoples affairs."

= "Title does not dictate behavior."

= "I believe in the philosophy of a ruling class, especially since I rule."

and now for the meanings of the meanings...heh

"Bunch of Savages in this town."= Don't waste yer hard earned $4.
"There's nothing more exhilirating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there?"= Isn't it fun to critique the blood, sweat, and tears of someone else's livelyhood?
"I find it's best to stay out of other peoples affairs."= I didn't much care for it, but maybe you will.
"Title does not dictate behavior."= Everybody and their mother hated this movie, but I kinda liked it.
"I believe in the philosophy of a ruling class, especially since I rule."= Get off your asses and go rent this movie!!

So there ya go...my ratings system. if it doesnt make any sense, go watch clerks and then read the review...

10/4/2000 10:32:22 PM | immortalize me | 21 comments

fiddle dee dee...
10/4/2000 10:14:31 PM | immortalize me | 21 comments

fuckin fiddle....
10/4/2000 10:11:06 PM | immortalize me | 21 comments

fiddle fiddle...
10/4/2000 10:08:10 PM | immortalize me | 21 comments

still fiddlin'...
10/4/2000 10:04:26 PM | immortalize me | 21 comments

im changing things around a bit cuz the friggin randal-head is being uncooperative (BIG surprise)
10/4/2000 10:02:00 PM | immortalize me | 21 comments

m'k...ima start usin a lil "ratings system"...conformity at its best...but...heh...bein the loyal n steadfast video store employee that i am, ima do sumfin a bit different...see...i have a hero...he's an unlikely hero, but a hero nonetheless...is that sposed 2 be one word?..i dunno ...newayz..my hero is...Randal from Clerks he rawks muh world ;) hence the new image in the "my stuff" thingie over there... so this is how its gonna work, eh....

the more 's you see...the better the movie..the less you see...well..u get the point..i hope and im not gonna be usin half-randals...thats just one more image for me 2 hafta make n fuck up..so its all or nuthin, get it? good.

"Title does not dictate behavior"

im sucha rebel

props to viewaskew.com for the rawkin pix n inspiration (hey..i dun wanna get sued r nething..heh)
10/4/2000 08:34:34 PM | immortalize me | 21 comments

omgosh...heh..long time no blog..im sucha lewzer...
newayz...i find this interesting/funny/scary/sad...gary blogged bout sum guy getting killed outside our front door...and his hair...and all anybody can talk bout is ......his hair...wth?
10/4/2000 07:07:24 PM | immortalize me | 21 comments