Saturday, April 27, 2002

take the "what's my fault" quiz.

(and then browse around mewing.net. because laura is cool.)

4/27/2002 06:23:37 AM | immortalize me | 21 comments

ok yeah, so i read gary's blog and hadda do the test myself...and i must admit, it's pretty on as online tests go...

turns out, im an ESFJ

Extroverted: 22%
Sensing: 11%
Feeling: 22%
Judging: 44% (looks like i'm a weee bit judgmental)

Qualitative analysis of your type formula:

slightly expressed extrovert
slightly expressed sensing personality
slightly expressed feeling personality
moderately expressed judging personality
4/27/2002 05:39:18 AM | immortalize me | 21 comments

Friday, April 26, 2002

gary and i had an interesting conversation tonight...yesterday we were watching somethin newsrelated (prolly the news lol) and they were talkin bout the everpresent church stuff...priests molesting ppl etc...
our convo tonight was basically about catholics and the religion etc...
i was baptized catholic, i've done the midnight mass thing (although not in years and years) and i've done the lent thing (although again not in years) i've read the bible at one time or another...actually read the entire book of genesis and also revelations (but i dun think revelations counts cuz like even unreligious people read that)... i even have my own rosary that was given to me by this really sweet old lady that was a customer of a grocery store i used 2 work at....it was the most amazing thing too...she was this lil old lady who would come in a couple times a week...a real firecracker...she was about 4 foot nuthin' and prolly 70 lbs soaking wet...but she would walk to this store every week a couple times always dragging one of those wire basket upright on wheels things you see old ladies dragging to carry home her groceries...she always bought just TONS of catfood...really really lots...prolly easily 20-30 cans each time ( i shudder to think how many cats she actually had) and smoked like a chimney...i remember one time when she found out i was collecting the miles off my packs, she brought in all hers and gave them to me...she was just the most wonderful old lady...anyway, this one day she was in there and we were talking about religion as i rang up her groceries, and she found out i didn't have a rosary...so she went and bought one for me from a mail order catalog! it is really a beautiful one 2...it's rose colored crystal with these lil irredescent (i dun think i spelled that right) sides on each bead that catch the light, with silver accents...i couldnt believe it when she brought it in to me...and she was so sweet as she looked up at me and said " now, this has been blessed by a priest so you can't ever let it touch the ground!" and i promised i wouldnt ever let it touch the ground, and to this day it hasnt (i don't think)

so, i'm one of those back seat driver type catholics, i guess...i've taken communion, although i was never 'formally' introduced to it...i never had my 'first' communion as it were, i was never in any processionals or anything...i don't go to church on sundays, or saturdays, or on christmas or whatever..i don't get my ashes on ash wednesday, although i've always wanted to, just to see...
i have given one confession in my life, but it wasnt a formal affair...i walked into a church one day, and told the priest that i felt i needed to confess but that i had never done it, and didn't really know what to do...he told me to sit down in a chair, and he sat next to me, and folded his hands in his lap and just looked down...i don't remember if i had to say the traditional "forgive me father, for i have sinned" gobbledeegoop and i didn't have to give penance afterwards...he just heard my confession, and absolved me and that was that...but the thing i confessed, well i had been walking past this church everyday for like weeks, maybe even months thinking about going in to confess, wondering if it would make me feel better, and finally one day i just said screw it, im goin in...that little informal 5 minute meeting between me and a total stranger where he didn't look at me and i told him my most desperate secret, the thing weighing heaviest on my soul, that little moment in my life did more for my wellbeing than the months of therapy i had been going through to try to deal with the situation...
our conversation tonight started because gary made a comment about catholics in general...i jokingly said "HEY!" acting like i took offense to being lumped into this generalized catagory...then he said, "well think about it honey, your religion is pretty fucked up"
my response "no, i don't think the religion is fucked up, i just think that some of the ppl in it are."
he agreed, and went on to say that that was true of pretty much all religions though, and thus our mostly onesided (im a chatterbox) conversation began. trying to explain religion, or the 'peace' that it can bring to a person is kinda like trying to explain what sex feels like to someone who's never had it, as i said to gary at one point in the convo...he had once tried to explain to me over the phone what it was like, but you really can't get it unless ....well unless you 'get it'...the same is true for religion.
i shy away from using the term 'peace' as in 'inner peace' or 'peace within myself' just cuz it sounds so kooky...but some of my greatest moments of peace have been through my faith in religion. being able to just sit in a church, quietly...not thinking of anything really, not talking...just being there...has been very very helpful to me at times...sitting in my livingroom, just holding my rosary, not saying it or working the beads, but just holding it in my hands, has brought an equal sense to me...for just those few seconds, or minutes, or moments, or whatever you want to say, i knew 'peace'...no stress...no worry...just relaxed, and at ease...at ease with myself, with my life, with my understanding of things that i dont understand...everything's ok.
one idea that i am very very impressed with is one brought up in the movie 'stigmata'...the idea that you don't have to go to church to practice your faith...that you don't have to subscribe to organized religion to believe in god...whatever that idea is to you, be it budda, or confusius ( i dunno how 2 spell that, sorry lol) or whatever..."lift a piece of wood and i am there" or words to that effect. i like that...cuz that means that no matter where you are, you can look inside yourself to find some little remnant of that feeling that you feel. i know most people that know me from online (and probly irl as well) wouldnt think of me as a particularly religious person, but i guess i am...i just don't have to thump a bible about it.

i've lost the flow of what i was tryin 2 say so i guess ill just click and let you read (or see the word 'religion' and NOT read) what i've had to say =)
4/26/2002 02:21:26 AM | immortalize me | 21 comments

Wednesday, April 24, 2002

i made 16 posts 2day...wtg me!
4/24/2002 06:45:15 AM | immortalize me | 21 comments

jesus...bastages all over the damn net whorin my name out like a dirty crack bitch....47 pages in reference to the word psycoma found with google and only a handful of them are in relation to me...

damn the man
4/24/2002 06:44:11 AM | immortalize me | 21 comments

lmfao@ this bein out there on the world wide web for anybody and their christian mother 2 see (scroll down to 5th in list)
4/24/2002 06:29:48 AM | immortalize me | 21 comments

i made a quote page i didnt even know exsisted wtg me!
4/24/2002 06:20:45 AM | immortalize me | 21 comments

Message: hey i think you look and sound great, i would love to talk to you. i have 8 tattoos and an associates in history email me at gillisgl@3div.usmc.mil the opportunities we regret most are the ones that pass us up. ttyl gary

this is a message in my rate my face acct that someone sent me....gary...where are you hiding these tattoos cuz ive never seen them??
4/24/2002 05:32:50 AM | immortalize me | 21 comments

omg! my rate my face thingie is still up...and im at 7.8!! wtg me!!
4/24/2002 05:30:04 AM | immortalize me | 21 comments

goddammit i miss vp
4/24/2002 05:23:57 AM | immortalize me | 21 comments

THIS is me -gigglesnort
4/24/2002 05:18:55 AM | immortalize me | 21 comments

this is NOT me

i had the name first, you pudknocker!!

damn name thieves...this is prolly the reason i go 2 some sites and try and register psycoma and its already taken
fuskers
4/24/2002 05:13:31 AM | immortalize me | 21 comments

ok ok so i don't have an original bone in my body...i got this idea from readin' melissakate's blog

i thought it would be fun...little did i know...i share a name with australia's most popular christian rock band!!!!!!! JUST TO SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT FOR ALL THOSE THAT READ THIS THAT DON'T KNOW ME FROM VP...I HAVE BEEN USING THIS NICK FOR GOING ON 4 YEARS AND I HAVE NEVER BEEN TO AUSTRALIA NOR DO I LISTEN TO XTIAN ROCK!!!!

having said that, i particularly like number 11 in the list...aheh..poophole...aheh
4/24/2002 05:12:05 AM | immortalize me | 21 comments

thanks to kelly for this latest selection of rad online tests aheh
4/24/2002 04:15:04 AM | immortalize me | 21 comments

i'm a Dork too, just like kelly...methinks this one isnt accurate -giggle

you think that your interests are really "neat" and fun but no one else seems to think so. perhaps it's time to go beyond your usual D&D crowd and get some new interests...and maybe some new clothes.
4/24/2002 04:13:53 AM | immortalize me | 21 comments

Web Test Taker Analysis

i'm the same as kelly!!
kathy is a kooky menace with too much free time

You use web tests to annoy people on regular basis. Medication might help.
Take the test yourself, or not.
4/24/2002 04:09:30 AM | immortalize me | 21 comments

i am dawson's creek

aha...ahaha

Like the kids in on the creek, you play cool, using those two dollar words and acting way more mature than someone your age. Even though you are usually calm and collected, you are also sensitive, especially when it comes to love and your goals. You are very ambitious, so it's often that you are found with you laptop/Palm Pilot/cell doing business or whatever. You have a slight(!) tendency of being whiny, but people obviously overlook this because so many people wanna be your main squeeze! Which explains how you've been linked at one point with almost all of your friends from the opposite sex. Like Joey, you sure do get around!

oh yeah thats me lol
4/24/2002 04:02:33 AM | immortalize me | 21 comments

i am buddy holly
4/24/2002 03:57:58 AM | immortalize me | 21 comments

i'm harry potter

imagine that lol "a bit of an outcast, you can feel removed from the more elite social circles. noless, your gifts cannot be denied and you have the potential to excell in both academics and sport. you may sometimes feel that your fate is predestined and choose to surround yourself with a few close friends."
4/24/2002 03:55:07 AM | immortalize me | 21 comments

i was searching for something to blog about today, as it's been awhile...and i found something. i was flipping through channels (as i am prone to do at 230 in the morning) and happened across the sundance channel....and there was this movie on called War Zone. so i spanked the more info button and it said basically something like "filmaker Maggie Hadleigh-West walks the streets with a video camera documenting men who stare at women on the streets and make lewd comments" or words to that effect...so i put down the remote and started 2 watch...i'm really quite upset that i didnt see the entire movie cuz it was almost over, but what i DID see of it scared the hell out of me.

being who i am, and looking the way i look, i have seldom had to deal with this sort of thing when out and about on the street...sure, ocassionally i've had men talk to me, asking me questions like 'hey where you goin' or 'you got a boyfriend?'...i even had one guy follow me into a drug store at around 2 in the morning and proceed to follow me around the store asking me questions until i finally told him i was only 16 (i was actually i think around 20 or so but don't remember exactly) at which point he abruptly remembered someplace else he had to be. and not to be funny, but these men have almost exclusively been disheveled older black men (the black mens love the big butts, sir mix-a-lot says)
but never have i been subjected to the abuse that the women in this movie had to go through. there was a short text at the end of the movie that said something like 'in the 2 weeks (or however long it was) the filmaker was sexually harrassed by 1050 men on the street, 53 of which were shown in the film' 1050!!?!? all i can say is, what the hell is wrong with men?...now, don't get me wrong, i realize not all men are like this...i think in the entire time ive been with him, i have not seen gary make even one inappropriate glance at a woman while we are out in public. i know i'm not with him 24/7, but i'm pretty sure its the same (or mostly the same) as that when im not with him...and it's not because im some great lookin' babe or anything so his eyes don't need to wander...he just isnt like that. he's very respectful of everyone, not just women.

one of the great things that i thought the filmmaker did was to interview the guys making the comments/noises, or giving the lewd or suggestive looks/faces....as soon as she heard a comment or noise, she turned around and whipped out this tiny little camera (there was also at least 2 cameras following her around) and i do believe that every one of the men who in their words 'were trying to get her attention' found out they didn't want it after all (at least for the part of the movie i saw) she was sworn at (she did her share of swearing as well, to be sure), they tried to grab the camera out of her hand, they pushed her, etc...suddenly when the camera was on them, the things they were doing that they thought were ok were not. she asked them things like, 'would you want strangers on the street to make those comments to your wife, or your daughter?...or your mother?' and they said no....when asked what they hoped to gain from making these comments, most answered that they wanted her attention, or that they wanted her to know that they appreciated the fact that she was a good looking woman with a nice body. when asked if their intent was to offend or even frighten her, they all said no, not realizing that that is what they were doing.

she also talked about something called rape testing, which is new 2 me...it seems potential rapists go out on the street and do this to women...look at them in a sexually aggressive manner, make lewd or profane comments to them, in an attempt to weed out those who could be potential victims....when she asked one of the men if he knew this, or if he did this he said no...when she asked how am i supposed to know from walking down the street and hearing you say this to me, or seeing you staring at me, that you are not sizing up a potential rape victim, the man said 'you can take my word for it'...this statement struck me as particularly idiotic...just how is someone whom you have just offended supposed to take your word that youre a gentleman? especially if they don't know you??

they showed a 14 year old black girl from new orleans and interviewed her...when she was six a man chased her all the way to a relatives house...they filmed this girl walking down the street and having men not only turn their heads when they walked by her, they showed one man grabbing his dick when he walked by her (a white man of about 55-60 no less), another man turned around and started following her, and yet another man turned his profile to the camera so that the viewer could see that not only was he grabbing his dick, but he had it out and was masterbating.

this scares the hell out of me!...not only for myself, but for my friends, my sister, and any potential children i may have...wake up guys...for those of you who are not cruising for victims, this is not the way to meet your future wife, as one man claimed to be doing. if you have a daughter, think how you would feel if someone made the comments to her that you are about to make to a total stranger. if you have a wife, or a girlfriend, think about how you would feel if some stranger walked by and groped her. assuming you don't believe what one man claimed to believe, that being that according to God and the bible, a woman will feel safe as soon as she obeys her man, stays silent and does as she's told.

if you have a chance to see this movie i strongly recommend watching it....in fact, i beg you to watch it...please.
4/24/2002 03:27:43 AM | immortalize me | 21 comments