I am about to be VERY venty...there are a bunch of you that have known me for the better part of a decade so you can handle it....

There are others of you that have only known me for about 6 months and work with me. If you think you will have trouble taking off your 'work' hats while reading this then please don't. I realize that is a futile request because, just like parental advisory stickers, now you HAVE to read...but you've been warned and cannot think any less of me if you decide to read on.

I spent almost the entire day yesterday sick as hell and on the toilet. I am emotionally, physically and mentally wiped out. I had been toying with the idea of making a post like this on Thursday when I got home from work but wanted to wait to see if the desire went away. After yesterday though, I am in no position to keep this shit in my head because it is making me even more tired than I already am.

So, this post is dedicated to all the fuckwits of this world who steal the air I breathe on a daily basis and just in general piss me off. Consider it my Christmas gift to the world. Exposing you in all your hapless, undeserved glory in the hopes that you will straighten yourselves up before the rest of us normal, rational people rise up and stab you many times about the head and neck with The Spork Of Humanity(tm). I am still, however, for the most part a decent person so, while YOU will know who you are (or should) I will not use any names at the risk of 'outing' you to the rest of the world before you are ready to come out of whatever closet it is you think you're hiding in.

Closet Inconsiderate Bus Rider People: Please, for the love of Christ, get a car, ride a bike, or pay for a fucking taxi. Because if one more of you fuckers sits on me, smacks my knee with your overloaded suitcase (who brings a fucking SUITCASE to work?!) because you're too busy to be observant of your surroundings, or bypasses the fat, black, or otherwise 'undesireable' person to make someone else uncomfortable I am seriously going to cock punch you.

Closet 'It Wasn't Me!' People: If you make a decision fucking take responsibility for that decision, be the outcome good or bad. Admit that you made a mistake if the end result is not quite what you were hoping for. Because honestly, it just makes you look like a shmuck when you appear to be the only one around who is not aware that the direction came from you. Saying 'Well, who said that?!' does not absolve you from responsibility when everyone around you knows damn good and well that it was YOU. Admitting that you are human and flawed (which btw we already know) does not make us think any less of you. On the contrary, it makes us see that, not only are you willing to step up to the plate, but that you'll be that much more likely to back the rest of us up if the time should ever come.

Closet 'ME ME ME!' People: Yes, we understand that everything must be about you. Yes, we get it that no matter the attention, be it positive or negative, you want it all to focus on you. But don't be a twat about it. If you KNOW that you have to leave early, if you know there is a possibility that you may need to be able to be free to move about the cabin, why for fuck's sake do you sit in the fucking corner?! If you KNOW that you have a problem with "small spaces", why would you put yourself in a position to possibly have a panic attack? So that you could make 5 other people have to get up? So that 5 other people would have to bend to your will? Yes, 2 of us made a mistake by sitting in the corner when we knew that we might have to get up...but we admitted that mistake, apologized for it, and only did it once. We saw that it was probably a bad choice and decided to sit in our own discomfort rather than inconvenience an entire table a second time by making them all get up. You, on the other hand, went into the situation knowing certain variables about yourself, those being that you had to be somewhere by a certain time and that you may have a problem being boxed in...yet you still chose to sit in the proverbial ass end of creation. Next time, write yourself a note to remind yourself not to be a drama whore and sit on the outside.

Closet 'I Am Perfect, I Did Nothing Wrong' People: Dude...we know you're a fuck up. Nobody is that perfect. Admitting you're flawed, admitting that you made a mistake in your relationship and that it wasn't totally the other person's fault does not make you less of a man. Being able to own up to your mistakes in actuality makes you MORE of a man. And for the love of Pete, be honest. Avoid months, if not years of animosity by just admitting that speaking to someone, having to see them, or deal with them is in fact painful for you. It would seem that everyone around you already knows this...does it really hurt that much to admit it to yourself? Because I can tell you right now, buddy...you're the ONLY one who doesn't know it. Don't be a dick. Just because the relationship didn't last doesn't mean you have to be a douche bag. I would say 'cock punch' but there is obviously not enough there to do that much damage...



Ok...ok I feel better now. Well...I feel a little better now...but be warned...if you know you're a scum bag but your particular type of scum did not appear in today's lesson, straighten up! Because it's only a matter of time before I get to you and everyone like you. And I know a lot of big words and do you really want to spend an hour reading about yourself but having to stop every 30 seconds to click on dictionary.com to see exactly how I am insulting you?