Holy Buckets

Today There Is No Black Or White...Only Shades Of Dumbass

Mon, 24 Apr 2006 23:29:05 -0500

Last year, after my husband and I got married, I got a new email address at work. Since then, for over a year, I have been waging the war on spam. Apparently the last person who had my email address at work worked for my company out of Illinois and was heavily involved in the realty industry and all aspects thereof.

Consequently, on an almost daily basis, I get between 2-5 junk emails or spam emails or whatever you want to call them centered exclusively around the Illinois area and dealing entirely with realty, FHA (I don't even know what the hell that means), local community events and library stuff.

My standard operating procedure is to ask them to remove my email from their list(s) and not send any future messages and add them to my blocked senders list. In the 2 months since we switched to a new email system, I have 50 email addresses in that list.

After dealing with this shit for over a year, I am sick and tired of it so my responses have become a little more tense and a little more demanding. I got this email this morning at work:

From: Mike Troccoli [mailto:douchebagsrus@idiot.net]
Sent: Sat 4/22/2006 5:00 PM
To: me duh
Subject: 1st 5 appraisal order 1/2 off

We Would Like To Introduce Our Appraisal Service With A Special Offer!
(New clients only)
1st 5 Residential Appraisal Orders 1/2 Off Regular Price
Coverage Area
N.W. Cook, Kane, McHenry & Lake Counties
Expanding soon to cover all of Cook & Will Counties
Competitive Fee Structure Web Based Appraisal Ordering & Tracking
Certified & FHA Approved Appraisers Auto-Email File Status
Quick Turn Times Licensed Real Estate Brokers On Staff
Direct: phone number removed Fax: fax number removed
www.youarenotgettinganytrafficfrommedouchebag.com loserwithnobrains@all.net

Thank you for your consideration
Michael P. Troccoli
name of his company appeared here and again, no traffic from me dickweed. Crystal Lake, IL.

Like I said before, by now I'm pissy about still getting all this crap, so I fq accidentally /fq hit my caps lock key when I responded:

From: me [mailto:me@work.com]
Sent: Monday, April 24, 2006 7:22 AM
To: Mike Troccoli
Subject: RE: 1st 5 appraisal order 1/2 off

REMOVE THIS ADDRESS IMMEDIATELY FROM ALL LISTS AND DO NOT SEND FUTURE EMAILS!

Granted, my approach may have been a little harsh, but the other spam email I responded to this morning at the same time in the same way seemed to take the hint. I heard nothing further from them. This moron decided to email me back:

From: Michael Troccoli [mailto:dicklesswonder@needmeds.net]
Sent: Mon 4/24/2006 8:16 AM
To: me
Subject: RE: 1st 5 appraisal order 1/2 off

Kathy,

Thank you for your rude response, you will be promptly removed from this list and immediately placed on another list.

Thank you again

Mike Troccoli

Yes, instead of accepting the fact that he spammed someone he should not have spammed and letting it go at that, he threatens me with more spam...not a good idea seeing as I work for a semi-major corporation with a fully fleshed out legal department....

From: me [mailto:me@work.com]
Sent: Monday, April 24, 2006 9:59 AM
To: Michael Troccoli
Subject: RE: 1st 5 appraisal order 1/2 off

You are quite welcome for the rude response because I have asked REPEATEDLY to be removed from your spam lists. This is A BUSINESS email account and while I do not know how you got it or who you paid, if you send ANY future emails to this address, I will contact my company's legal department about the filing of a harassment complaint against you and your company.

me

It took him several hours to respond and I foolishly took this to mean that he realized the error of his ways and had gone to repent. In truth, he was probably looking through his archives or saved folder to see if he had actually emailed me before and if I had actually ever told him not to. In all honesty, after a year of dealing with this shit, all the spam starts to look alike and I have no idea if I've ever gotten spammed by this waste of space before or not. I know I don't have this particular email listed in my blocked senders list before today but that doesn't mean he didn't have another email at some point. This was his response:

From: Michael Troccoli [mailto:youarestupid@really.net]
Sent: Mon 4/24/2006 10:42 AM
To: me
Subject: RE: 1st 5 appraisal order 1/2 off

Kathy,

You are incorrect as this is the 1st email that your company has ever received from my company (please provide proof of other emails), I did not pay anybody for your email address as it is in the public domain, and your idle threat to file harassment charges through your "legal department" is as full of hot air much as your incorrect position on this simple email promoting our service to your company. I look forward to never doing an appraisal for you or your company as we prefer to do business with rational people.

Thank you again
For every NO we get 3 YES responses so you are responsible for 6 YES responses (so far). Care to go for 9

Mike Troccoli

So basically he thinks that I'm lying about having a "legal department" at my disposal, that people who want to be put on "do not call" or "do not send unsolicited whatever" lists are just misunderstanding the true purpose behind marketing and promotional ploys. Oh, and must not forget that apparently every time someone emails this jagoff to tell him he's a prick, 3 other people take that as their cue to beg to give him their money. Yah...ook.

I forwarded everything on to my legal department and they have banned his company from sending email to ANYBODY inside my company. *titter*

But WAIT!...the plot, she thickens.

I was bitching and moaning about this to my mother pretty much all morning and she decided to go to work. She dug out his IP address and we sent an email to his ISP registering a complaint of abuse.

But she wasn't finished yet. She called the phone number listed on the first email and...wouldn't you know it...it is listed to a major realty company in the greater Chicago area....not pantywaste's little mom&pop appraisal company. Mummy and I are of the firm suspicion that old Mikey boy is skimming off the top of his employer's mailing list for use in his personal business...and said employer has no idea. My mom talked to said employer (who shall remain nameless because mom says he's really nice and they had a nice long conversation about Mikey boy in which a LOT of revelations were discovered) and he's just a might bit upset...or could be...it's too soon to tell. But apparently Mr. Broccoloti or whatever his name is broke some major rules in that he didn't include an opt out link or several other methods of standard protocol in his solicitation email...:o

All of the communication has been forwarded to Mr. Choccoliti's boss and I'm looking forward to hearing from him, or my mom if he contacts her again either will work for me.

In closing...don't be a jackass when someone tells you not to send unsolicited spam to their business address, whether you think they were rude about it or not.

Dumbass.

I PINCH!

Mon, 24 Apr 2006 23:28:07 -0500

But thankfully, somebody got one right...as a rule, I don't generally like car commercials but this one is fucking hysterical. I think it's the crab's accent. If you haven't seen the Honda Element commercial with the 'I pinch' crab, clicky NOW! If you're on dial-up, go do something while it loads because it's TOTALLY worth it!

Eww Factor

Mon, 24 Apr 2006 23:27:31 -0500

I seem to have a one track mind tonight...

*holds hands up forming mock tv screen*

....Almost Paradise plays softly....camera pans over station wagon...in the back seat we are treated to the vision of a pile of glistening M&M's and a nekkid chocolate bar...we are led down the path of assuming these two have just performed unspeakable acts in the back of mom's Grocery Getter...

Fucking gross, ok? Aside from the fact that I don't want to think about my candy having sex and...secreting...all over the area where mom puts the milk and eggs, it's just really fucking creepy.

Don't You Wish

Mon, 24 Apr 2006 23:26:58 -0500

I was going to talk about a Heineken commercial and put a groovy link to it but the site is just about impossible to navigate...and harder to get into than a fucking tittie site.

Anyway...if you're watching that Heinie commercial where those chick band chicks are asking if you wish your girlfriend was a freak or whatever...and it makes you hot for the beer...grab your remote, turn off the tv, and get your ass to a fucking meeting.

Friends Of Bill W. d00d.

Pump Up The Volume

Mon, 24 Apr 2006 23:26:20 -0500

Well well well...

A new blog...again.

How many of these damn things have I been through in the last 6 years? Jebus...a.lot. The title of this post references the movie because when I was thinking about what to post for my first post (the anniversary one is from my LJ) all that kept going through my head were lines from that movie where he's talking about settling in to the "channel" he was using but at 3:40am fuck me if I can remember any of the quotes exactly. Yes, somebody make note of this. The Movie Quote Queen (TM) is having a problem remembering lines from a movie. :P

My lovely patient hubby was kind enough to build me this new page yesterday. It isn't quite "home" yet...the links and categories in the sidebar are his, I still need to put my own stamp on that (I know, you can't wait) but the page itself is up and running. And he only said the 'f' word like half a dozen times while doing it.

wtg u dear :P

A Year In The Life

Sat, 22 Apr 2006 20:11:31 -0500

Well…a year has come and gone. I did the same thing last year too, where it took me forever to post about it and I didn’t even really finish last year. Even though we’ve been together for almost 8 years now, Monday was mine and hubby’s 1st wedding anniversary. As stated in another post, we started out the day at Denny’s for breakfast, where I fit in the booth :). Actually, we started the day running around trying to get our taxes filed :P but that’s a whole ‘nother issue. We got home from Denny’s and Gary took a nap until 2. Which turned into a nap until about 2:30/quarter to 3 until I threatened to go into the other room, dig out my Skid Row CD and play it until he got up… “I’m awake!”

Aheh.

While he was sleeping, I packed our bag and we were on the road at a little after 3pm. Traffic was horrible and we ended up arriving at the hotel about quarter after 4. On the drive there, I remembered all the things I had forgotten to bring, among them the $20 present from his mom and our digital camera. There were many other things but I don’t remember them now. How fitting :P. I think we went down into the casino on Monday between the time we got there and when Prison Bre- yah, we did because I remember we got burgers to take back up to the room.

I think it’s a testament to how much I like our new apartment (or else just the fact that we stayed in the same room last year), but I wasn’t as excited about the room this year as I was last year. Last year, I didn’t want to leave because the hotel room was so much nicer than our apartment at the time. This year, well this year, I LIKE our apartment that we’re in now. Nice hardwood floors, it’s clean…what’s not to like? The hotel room was still nice, don’t get me wrong, and there was one thing that I got to enjoy about it this year that I didn’t last year which made it better, but overall I was sort of fidgeting by Tuesday night waiting for it to be time to go home. But one thing I still like more than our apartment is the friggin bed. It’s a king (or maybe a California king) and is SO HUGE! We were both in the bed and there was room for at least one more person in there. I said as much and Gary told me not to get any ideas. Spoilsport :P I spent most of Tuesday in the room just sort of hanging out and watching TV. This however did not stop us from blowing through $300 in the course of the 2.something days we were there. Not counting the cost of the room. I guess it’s ok, we still have money in the bank and I had reasoned that $300 was the amount we could “comfortably” lose without putting unnecessary strain on our budget, but it would have been nice to at least break even.

And now…onto the big one…the grand daddy of all milestones (so far) on the road I began travelling in October of last year:

I FIT IN THE MOTHERFUCKING TUB!!!!!! At the same time as my husband tyvm. On Tuesday, I decided I had had enough of losing money so around 3 or so, I bought a slice of cheesecake (no I didn’t eat even half of it over the next day and a half so it wasn’t as bad as it could have been) and headed back up to the room. Gary stayed downstairs to play some video poker and in the elevator up to our room, I decided I would take the opportunity to see if I could take a bath. At least if Gary wasn’t there, I wouldn’t have to be embarrassed in front of him if it didn’t work out like I hoped. I put my cheesecake in the fridge, grabbed the bottle of bubble bath out of the suitcase along with my robe, went into the bedroom and started to fill the tub. I’ve never been in a big tub like this and I rarely use bubble bath so I was unsure how much to use. That, and the fact that I wanted to make sure the bubbles lasted if it turned out that I did fit in there made me think I needed half the bottle.

Did I mention it was a whirlpool bath as well?

Holy buckets. Bubbles everywhere.

I got undressed and got in the tub. Gary made mention of this before on his blog and I couldn’t agree more. I hate having to try and get used to new faucets. The hot water hardly came on at all and only got hot if I turned the cold completely off. After the tub got filled up, I turned on the jets…MORE BUBBLES! There was maybe 5 inches or so of water actually in the tub but holy shit were there bubbles. I ended up having to drain the tub and start over. When the water was almost gone (but not the bubbles!), I heard the front door open. I grabbed one of the towels off the side of the tub and threw it across myself and started giggling as Gary walked through the double french doors into the bedroom. He started smiling and asked what I was doing… “…uh…nothin’…?”

I turned the water back on as he sat on the lounge thing next to the bed. Trying to adjust the water temperature again was a futile effort and I just gave up and put it on really hot. I like my bath water really hot anyway so it didn’t matter to me. By the time the tub was about half full, I finally convinced Gary to get in with me (yay!). He started to stick his foot in and withdrew it almost immediately, saying it was too hot. I turned on just the cold water and started swirling it around so it would mix. After a minute or two he finally got in, but said it was still too hot (big baby :P).

So, that was it…we were both in the tub, at the same time, comfortably…well, almost comfortably. See…in addition to this being very foamy bubble bath, it was also intended to make your skin really soft. Consequently (because I used so much) it made the bottom of the tub REALLY slippery so we spent most of the time in the tub sliding around and unable to stay in one spot. Aheh…it was fun though :P Bubbles ended up on the walls :o

So there ya go…I wasn’t able to take a bath with my husband on our wedding night but I sure as shit was able to on our first anniversary. HELL YAH!

I FIT IN THE MOTHERFUCKING TUB!!

Valley Fair is looking more and more doable all the time :)